As a perfectionist by nature, who strives to give everything my all at all times and ensure my life is as full and as wholesome as possible – I’m learning to be ok when the non-perfect moments of life happen. After all, perfection doesn’t truly exist, and striving for this outcome in life just sets us up for suffering.
However, the ‘hustling perfectionist’ in me has kept in survival mode most of my life. I recognise that my racing thoughts have both positives and negatives…
The positives: It allows me to laser focus and achieve, and work really hard. As my team will agree, it gives me my relentless drive, which has been important in building JSHealth and JSHealth Vitamins to where we are today. On a personal level, it allows me to give my loved ones and lifestyle a lot of care and energy – my all.
The negatives: When the anxiety sets in or when my deep fear of uncertainty raises its ugly head, it can all feel too scary or too painful. This can be all encompassing and consuming if I don’t remain aware and rear it in.
My hubby Dean always reminds me that the ‘negatives’ are not really negatives.. They are actually an important part of who I am and my journey in life, and how I navigate through it all. Nothing is black and white!
The gift of therapy has taught me to live alongside the difficulties, ‘imperfection’, anxiety, pain and uncertainty that are part of the experience of life… and actually allow myself to immerse in these emotions, rather than try to fight them off. It’s that act of surrendering that brings true and long lasting peace of mind. It has honestly given me a sense of freedom.
For me, I feel a need to know everything will be okay. Life feels so precious. My thoughts keep me dizzy with finding that certainty of knowing what matters to me will be protected. My father in law taught me: “The racing thoughts are like a rocking chair… keeps you busy but unfortunately doesn’t get you anywhere.” I hear his words of wisdom as an anchor when I feel my mind rocking too much.
When my anxiety is trying to keep me in its forceful grip, my therapist throws her hands up at me – “hands up Jess”! It’s her favourite gesture to me in these moments, meaning we can’t know it will all be alright, we have to take our hands off the steering wheel of life sometimes and surrender to the anxiety of uncertainty and imperfection.
What you learn through the right therapy is that it’s best not to feed those anxious fear-based thoughts or try to fight them. Rather, the most peaceful course of action is to be able to live harmoniously alongside them. This literally builds new pathways in our brains and teaches the mind to calm down and let go when the anxious thoughts come – allowing your nervous system to drop.
This is life. Beautiful, painful, calm, chaotic, hard, easy, amazing. I’ve come to understand that the path of least resistance is for me to embrace it all.
Learning to manage our thoughts without over reacting to them is what I call a peaceful life. I hope I always know how to come back to this way of life. Truthfully, I’m so proud of myself for working hard to get closer and closer to this place, because it’s bringing me more joy and ease than I’ve had in my whole life.
I wanted to write this as a gentle reminder that for some of us it doesn’t come as naturally to find calmness and peace with our thoughts every day, but you can and you will with the right support. The simplicity of it is knowing that some days are good, and others will be more challenging, and then accepting this. That’s it.
All my love and care,
Jess x
