When someone flirts with your partner, it can unexpectedly create tension and even reduce attraction within your relationship.

Seeing another person flirting with your partner triggers a feeling, which may range from jealousy to protecting your spouse. Whereas some might think that this attention will increase attraction, most of the time it causes dramatic changes in terms of commitment and sometimes may lead to emotional detachment (1^✔ ✔Trusted Source
When someone flirts with your spouse, does that make your partner more attractive?

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A study published by Reichman University in Israel and the University of Rochester reveals unexpected findings regarding the effects of men’s unwanted advances toward a romantic partner on existing romantic relationships. Contrary to the dating period when the attention of other people is needed for an increase in the level of attractiveness and, therefore, the guarantee of a partner’s exclusive interest, the study shows that it actually erodes the commitment instead.

How Flirting Backfires on Passionate Relationships

Conventional wisdom tells us that the more attention given to our partner the more attractive they become to us. However, the study sets to alter this notion in the context of existing relationship. In a study, Gurit Birnbaum and Harry Reis observed that when one is reminded of the possibility of rejection by their partner – as instance by seeing his/her partner get unwanted flirtation, s/he may develop defensive responses, for example, may withdraw emotionally.

They attribute this response to a psychological predisposition which leads a person to avoid feeling pain if he or she feels that the rival is dangerous for the relationship.

Why “Mate Choice Copying” Decreases Its Authority Periodically

In the early stages of a relationship, an element dubbed, ‘Mate Choice Copying’ is useful in assessing how much a partner is admired. But when the relationship gets more serious, the concept of ‘mate-poaching’ comes in then anything concerning competition is likely to increase insecurity rather than boost attraction. Such a shift reveals that long-term bonds receive integrity as an alternative to the social relevance of the partner.

Effectiveness of Unwanted Notice in Relationships

The study tested participants’ reactions to unsolicited flirtation across three experiments with different methods:

Experiment 1: Both 115 females and over 100 males were asked to think about their partner being approached by another interested person. The participants were then asked to construct a story in which their partner was involved, and the story was then coaxed for cues of sexual withdrawal and defensiveness.

Experiment 2: Participants received an allegedly computer-generated virtual reality of a bar and could see a complete stranger, who either flirted with or interacted indifferently with the participant’s real-life partner. In this setting, Rowland and Rodriguez noticed jealousy and possessiveness.

Experiment 3: When completing the sentence, participants remembered occasions when their partner was objectified. The participants also provided data on the degree of attraction, involvement, and possessiveness as well as the cases of jealousy and means used against other competitors. In the nine studies, external attention negatively impacted attraction efforts in relationship maintenance systematically.

Each experiment underscored the finding that external flirtation decreases relationship investment even if there is no reciprocation.

Flirtation as the Dangerous Strategy

The study adds a contribution to the discourse on the various ways jealousy may backfire when utilized to reinstate attraction. In her remarks, Birnbaum explains that though some women may tease or seek attention from other people to engage their partner’s interest, it typically leads to failure. It instead has the potential of leading to the development of feelings of insecurity and mistrust of the other partner, thus leading to the weakening of a bond.

From the research, it is recommended that instead of looking for ways to provoke jealousy as a way of maintaining a relationship, partners should consider such constructive behaviors as investing time together and being open. The cognitive formulation helps the couples appreciate that retreating is an ordinary response to threats, thereby developing ways of cultivating a feeling of safety that enriches relationship satisfaction in the long run.

Takeaway of the Study

Do not use strategies within relationships that are likely to elicit feelings of jealousy.
The research highlights an important message for anyone looking to deepen their relationship: Proclaiming zero tolerance for jealousy keeps things safer and possibly more constructive for substantially longer relationships. It works better as far as commitment and attraction are concerned than any antagonism that leads to jealousy.

Reference:

1. When someone flirts with your spouse, does that make your partner more attractive? – (https://www.rochester.edu/newscenter/mate-choice-copying-relationships-unsolicited-flirting-622862/)

Source-Medindia